its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
