I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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