the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
