at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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