sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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