I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
