This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
