Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
