woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
