Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
