Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
