He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
