I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
