so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
