is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
