So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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