Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
