What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
