Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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