take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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