i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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