More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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