Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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