Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
