I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
