Pregnant stripper...not hot.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
