Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
