So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
