I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
