So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
