Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Randomize
