I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
