Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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