Your face is a jimmy john
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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