im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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