so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Randomize
