How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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