the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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