Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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