I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
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