I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
