No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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