Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
