ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My vagina just recognized that song.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
