Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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