I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
