Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
