My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
