I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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