I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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