Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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