i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
